Abigoliah Schamaun

Comedian, Yogi, Whiskey Enthusiast. 

Affirmations are Bullshit and so is Doing the Dishes.

Affirmations are Bullshit and so is Doing the Dishes.

* Originally Posted January 25, 2016

UGH. I CAN’T BE BOTHERED.

I hate doing dishes. Hate it. Cooking fine, but the cleaning part is the worst. Day 5 I said to myself, “I’ll clean up this mess when I get back from my gig tonight.” Then I got back at midnight and couldn’t be asked. I woke up on day six, looked at the huge mess, my blender wasn’t even clean, and thought fuck this. Instead of having a morning smoothie, I had an apple and peanut butter. I then proceeded to eat bowl after bowl of left over bean chili because that was easier than cleaning any of the dishes to prepare anything. It was another day, where I just felt a bit foggy for no particular reason. Just felt kinda blergh. I don’t think it’s just a detox thing, or something I’m experiencing just during this challenge. But I’m super aware of when and how it happens now, because I’m writing about what I eat and how I feel on a very regular basis.

Finally, after a few hours of sitting and feeling sorry for myself, I got up and did the dishes and cleaned my kitchen. Once I got started I figured might at well keep going. So I, swept and cleaning the living room, cleaned the bathroom including bleaching the tub, and folded all my washing that’s been hanging in my room and straightened that as well. And guess what? I felt better. Loads better. I even made my self an all veg smoothie using celery, kale, cucumber, and lime to celebrate. I drank it while eating celery and hummus and finally worked on that writing project I’ve been meaning to do for days. Go team me.

In Crazy, Sexy Diet Kris doesn’t just talk about eating, she also talks about your God Pod as she calls it. You’re God Pod is your body. She recommends things like meditation (which I haven’t done.) yoga, baths (I’m all over that.), and dry brushing. Dry brushing is exactly what is sounds like. You take a natural bristle brush and brush lightly your body with it. It’s suggested you do it before showering and it’s said to exfoliate, unclog pores, stimulate your lymphatic system, and reduce cellulite. I’m not sure if science has proven it does all those but it takes no time at all and I’ve got nothing to lose. I’m trying to do it everyday, but I’ve been forgetting so I usually do it every other day.

In the Crazy, Sexy Cleanse, Kris also gives and recommends affirmations. Now I’ll be honest I hate affirmations. I think they sound silly and are bullshit. Saying this out loud during a wellness journey is tantamount to heresy and probably means ifLouise Hay ever stumbles across my blog she will most likely not give me a book deal. I find standing in front of a mirror and saying out loud, “I am beautiful and powerful.” unproductive if I don’t actually feel beautiful or powerful. In fact, it makes me feel the opposite, when playing the affirmation game a little demon will whisper in my ear, “We both know you don’t believe that. It’s not true.” Then I get all panicky, feel unproductive and ugly and have to take to my bed for the remainder of the day. So if staring in the mirror proclaiming things makes you feel good, fine. It does nothing for me…Unless…

Unless I’m saying something factual. Instead of saying this I want to happen or want to believe, if I focus on and actual action or fact and say that out loud, or in my journal, or in my head THAT can be helpful. So instead of staring in the mirror and saying “I am beautiful and powerful. My skin glows like a firefly’s butt, and farts smell like a unicorn’s dream.” I’ll say something like, “I feel better when I exercis e on a regular basis. Working out makes me feel happy and in control of my body. When I feel in control I feel beautiful and powerful. Exercise makes me feel good.” If I say all that, which is true. Not only does it help me feel better, but it’s a gentle reminder the next time I want to talk myself out of a yoga class, if I go, I function better as a person. And that’s what we’re all after right!?

For dinner I roasted a head of broccoli and topped it with vegan cheese (NUTRITIONAL TAHINI SAUCE!) I took a bath because my God Pod deserve s nice things then stood in my room and proclaimed, “Having a clean house makes me feel better. When my personal space is cluttered, my mind is cluttered. I work better and happier under tidy circumstances.” Affirmations done. Bring on Day 7.

What I miss about Eating Anything

What I miss about Eating Anything

Reward System

Reward System