Abigoliah Schamaun

Comedian, Yogi, Whiskey Enthusiast. 

Paleo Diet Days 1,2, &3

Paleo Diet Days 1,2, &3

First Published January 9, 2016

First Published January 9, 2016

I’M DOING THE BEST I CAN!

The thing about resolutions and goals is sometime, I set the bar too high. Remember the very first post when I said I’d be doing this challenge one of the rules was to blog about it daily. Well I missed three days. Oops. Instead of scrapping the whole thing and saying fuck it. I thought I’d just catch you up.

Also, another goal was to limit caffeine on my first day of the Paleo I thought I’d treat myself to a cup of coffee in the morning since the cookbook I’m using has recipes using java. I’ve had coffee everyday since. Just a cup. But my goal was to stay on green tea through Paleo and cut out caffeine entirely during the vegan part of the challenge. I’ll go back to green tea I’m sure, right now I’m trying not to be too hard on myself about the failings. I’ll get back to blogging daily tomorrow. And maybe back on green tea; baby steps. To be honest, I haven’t had alcohol, dairy, or grains in six days so I’m feeling pretty proud of myself for that alone. Oh, and by the way I LOVE PALEO!

WHAT IS PALEO?

The Paleo Diet was founded by Dr. Loren Cordain who has a PhD in health from the University in Utah.  In 1987, during his professorship at The University of Colorado, he began researching diet and athletic performance. It was then he found “Paleolithic Nutrition”, a paper in theNew England Journal of Medicine by Dr. Boyd Eaton. That’s when Dr. Cordain began to heavily research the stone age diets thus the Paleo Diet was born.

Thegood doctor promised the diet will optimize health, limit chronic disease, and help with weight loss so long as you’re eating food that mimics our pre-agricultural ancestors. Going way, way back, you eat what the hunter-gatherers ate. You eat like a caveman. Think of it this way, if you need a farm to get it you don’t get to eat it. So that cuts out dairy, and cereal grains such as wheat, corn, and rice. Also, no processed foods or sugar. It’s in plain black in white on his website:

YOU CAN EAT:

Grass-produced meats
Fish/seafood
Fresh fruits and veggies
Eggs
Nuts and seeds
Healthful oils (Olive, walnut, flaxseed, macadamia, avocado, coconut)

DON’T EAT:

Cereal grains
Legumes (including peanuts)
Dairy
Refined sugar
Potatoes
Processed foods
Salt
Refined vegetable oils

When I’ve explained Paleo to friends they’ll go, “Oh, so like Atkins?” honestly, the answer is no. NOT like Atkins. Paleo suggests 15% of a person’s diet be meat. As I understand in Atkins, you can eat as much meat and even butter as you want, but don’t touch an apple. I’ve had friends who’ve used Atkins and it’s worked for them, but it’s not a diet I can see continuing for more than a few months. With Paleo, you can eat vegetables and fruit, to me it seems like it could be less of a diet diet and more of a lifestyle choice. Intact, it is for Stephanie Gaudreu.

THE COOKBOOK

My goal is to make 4 things a week out ofStephanie Gaudreu’s cookbook The Performance Paleo Cookbook (The PPC). Reason I chose Stephanie’s book is because, though I’ve never met her, I like her! She’s has a great podcast called Harder to Kill Radio and I recommend you give it a listen. She’s a competitor in the Crossfit games and has her own blog stupideasypaleo.com. She seems to have a common sense approach to this whole food thing. Not to mention the book is awesome. The recipe’s are simple and it’s also has charts suggesting when and what to eat around when you work out. Instead of being a recipe book broken into breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It’s broken into Pre-Workout Snacks, Protein Packed Meals, Carb-Dense Sides, Veggie Side, and so on. AND if you’re not sure what to put with what she has a comprehensive Meal Combo Chart to help you figure out. So if you don’t know what to put with the Bison and Butternut Skillet look it up and she suggests a fried Egg. Which is what I had the first day.

DAY 1: FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD!

I woke up early for me! 10am! Before noon is a lot better than what I have been doing! I immediately made theBison and Butternut Skillet recipe from The PPC (I couldn’t find bison so I just used beef mince). I threw an fried egg on top and devoured. It called for both coconut milk and coconut oil in the skillet so it’s quite rich. Very rich for me that morning, but I’ve been drinking juice for three days so that maybe a big part of it. I then prepped my crockpot to make Mocha-Rubbed Slow Cooker Pot Roast. It calls for 2 pounds of beef pot roast and when I opened the package I almost gaged. Either do to “cleansing” or just plain starvation the smell of the raw meat is so strong. Good, but strong. With the pot roast I’ll make Carrot Parsnip Fritters out of The PPC and steamed kale. But that will all happened later. With my belly full of meat, veg, and egg, and the pot roast in the crock pot. I leave the house for my first exercise class of 2016; CrossFit.

I take at Crossfit Balckfriars. A few months back my friends Kate recommended I triy it with her and I was hooked and now it’s my gym. I’m all excited to get my sweat on. As a warm up, our Coach Mateo has us do a 200 meter run, lift a thing, then do another 200 meter run. On the second run, I feel like I’m going to vomit. I explained to him I’m coming off a stomach bug, so I might need to take it easy today. That’s not entirely a lie. I have had a bit of a stomach bug. In reality it’s probably due to the fact that I was living on juice then for breakfast ate a bowl of meat and eggs. But I didn’t want to explain the whole January Challenge at that moment. I was just trying to breath and hold down my breakfast. I finished class but I did lighter weights than I normally would and just took it easy in general. It still kicked my ass so work out accomplished.

After class, I my stomach finally eased up and I had a snack of a banana, but for the rest of the day I wasn’t too hungry so I skipped lunch. And for dinner feasted!  I invited my boyfriend Tom over for dinner. When he walked in I was having a minor freak out over the fritters. I wasn’t sure how they’d taste. I don’t own a food processor so I used a cheese greater to peel the carrot and parsnips and that took forever! In order to bind them together you use three eggs. It looked likea lot to me. I was afraid they’d just taste like fried eggs. Not to mention when Tom walked in I had been so obsessed with what was going on in the frying pan I failed to realize that the fritters and oil were filling my tiny London flat with smoke. “Maybe you should open the windows.” he suggested. “You open the windows! I’m busy being domestic!” I replied not looking up from the sizzling pan.

Finally with the smoke gone, and the fritters fritted we sit down to eat. It was a hit! The fritters were awesome and not too eggy. In fact, I couldn’t taste the egg at all. And the pot roast was awesome! It’s cooked in Beef broth and coffee which I’ve never done before. And the meet is spicy from the rub recipe. The kale was…well, it was kale, I just steamed it not to exciting. I’m pretty satisfied. I had to stop Tom from eating ALL the meat. As I wanted some for leftovers.  So day one of Paleo is awesome. I’m happy to be eating again and happy to be cooking. Life is good.

DAY 2: UNEXPECTED BLISS

Day two I woke up later than I had planned and for breakfast had more of the beef skillet stuff with egg. The next time I make this I’m going to add onion and chillies. I like my food a little spicy. Tom had eggs on toast. Instead of throwing everything out I’m not eating this month I put it all in the freezer. Who, knows I might want to eat bread again in February. And now friends can eat it if they’re over.

My friend Sarah is studying to be a massage therapist and asked me to come over so she could give me a practice massage. I know it was asking a lot of her, but I’m a good friends so I haul my ass to her house to lay on a table and get a professional FREE massage. I’m so selfless. Where’s my medal. In my bag I packed a
juice leftover from the cleanse and a small bag of carrots and celery as a snack. I was planning to go straight to yoga after the massage but then her fiancé, Garrett, who is a very funny comedian and good friend of mine was there. After the massage him and I start gabbing and before I know it it’s too late to go to yoga. Garrett asked me what I can and can’t eat on a Paleo Diet and I explain the guidelines, “So you can have steak and veg?” he asked. “Yep.” “Wanna stay for dinner?”  And that’s how I wound up staying there for a steak dinner.

I know, the things I do for these people. Get there massages. Eat their steak. Honestly, where’s my sainthood?

To top is all off Garrett offered to give me a lift home, probably because at that point I was ready to move in with them and they were ready to get rid of me. But it was a great day/night. It’s so cool to have friends who are supportive of my eating challenge. And so nice to have an eating habit that’s easy for people to work with.

DAY 3: I NEED A NEW BLENDER!

I woke up this morning and made The Hulk Shake out of The PPC. It contains avocado, protein powder, cocoa powder and maca and is only ok. Kinda tastes like chalky nothingness to me. I added some stevia to make it a bit sweeter and then I just tasted stevia. To be honest, if I made it three more times I’d get used to it.

Here’s what I think that’s what happens to a lot of über healthy people with alternative eating habits: They first start eating things that aren’t too off the normal path but then, they get more and more extreme until one day they wake up and actually enjoy the taste of wheatgrass shots. They’re like a frog in a boiling pot of water. They don’t know what’s happening until it’s too late. And I may be on that path as well. Boil me, I say! Let’s get weird!

It wasn’t a hard shake to make but my dainty little Morrison’s blender could barely handle it. When I first moved here I bought a cheap blender thinking how different could one blender be from another? Pretty different it turns out. This one ain’t shit. And given the The PPC has a lot of shakes I want to try and the Vegan diet will include smoothies; I think it’s time for an upgrade.

I then went to Crossfit and did lots and lots of push ups, squats and rowing. I didn’t feel like I was going to vomit…as much today.

For lunch I made Breakfast Sausage Scotch Eggs out of The PPC. To give it a crunchy crust your supposed to roll them in crushed pork rinds. But something about pork rinds give me the hebe-jeebeis so I leave them out. I take one of the eggs andthrow it atop a giant green salad. Bam lunch. I’m so good at this.

I host a monthly gig in North Finchley called Bo-HoHo Comedy. It’s a great gig and I love doing it so if you ever find yourself in the neighborhood the first Thursday of the month. Stop into the bar The Bohemia and pay us a visit. It’s a good time. Also, the producer of the show and th
e bar owner take good care of the acts. The give us dinner and drinks. And the food there is amazing! And they have their own craft beer. As I’m also, not drinking alcohol this month I stay with the soda water all night and instead of eating one of the awesome burgers they have I asked for the steak, sans chips and sauce but with extra salad. They’re kind enough to oblige. The meal was wonderful and filling. And again, I’m glad to be on a meal plan where it’s easy to eat out.

This is one of my favorite shows and a few of my friends were there to hang out so it was challenging not partaking in the drinking tonight. But I held fast. I got home late and I did want to order cheese and chips on my way home. It was cold and the carbs sounded good. But I resisted. So far this is the first real craving I’ve had since I’ve started this diet. It’ll be interesting to see how the rest of the challenge goes.

Don't Make Cooking a Chore. Make it a Hobby.

Don't Make Cooking a Chore. Make it a Hobby.

Juice Cleansing: Yep, Definitely Bullshit.

Juice Cleansing: Yep, Definitely Bullshit.